It’s that time of year again: summer weather days are growing fewer and farther between and Starbucks seasonal lattes are in high demand from skinny Manhattanite moms with yoga mats slung over one shoulder. The time of year when I start seriously contemplating my Halloween costume. Since I still cannot find anyone 6’2-ish who’s willing to dress up as the SHINING twins, I may go with a Broadway themed costume. Unrealized ideas: a sondheim lyric, a curious dog in the night-time, a SLEEP NO MORE patron—what else am I ever going to do with that mask?, “drunk” Shakespeare or a bed bug. I could allocate a vaguely ginger wig, hold a fish ‘n chips take-away, and glue script pages under my shoes—Lindsay Lohan stumbling over her lines on the West End. (Insert patronizing laugh here.) Reviews come out at midnight London time for SPEED THE PLOW… just in case you need a pick-me-up without forking over five bucks for Seattle coffee.

October’s kitchen sink is a swirling cesspool; my mind has become the host for a parasitic buzz feed of bizarre and—in true Halloween form—slightly scary news items. I’m not at all sure how I feel about Gloria Estefan’s new autobiographical musical starring Ariana Grande, ON YOUR FEET. On one hand, I had the privilege of meeting GE on a bad Meryl Streep film years ago—working title, FIFTY VIOLINS; sadly re-titled MUSIC OF THE HEART. I mean… who thought that would move tickets—greeting card folks? She was absolutely lovely and kind and… well, relevant then. I just haven’t heard much from her in years and I’m afraid you Millenials will be left standing outside TKTS saying, “Gloria who??” I suppose, enter Ariana Grande. Who knows? With all of these celebrity bios on stage shamelessly weaving hit songs into weak narratives, it just might make it to April showers. And, at least Latin rhythms will keep us all awake.

A side note: commercials for theater are often horrendous. I wince every time I catch the spot for Connor McPherson’s new play at Irish Rep. I get the brogue and all, but can they please find a voice over artist with a bit of enthusiasm? Anyway, the play is called PORT AUTHORITY and it’s on my list—between COUGAR: THE MUSICAL and BERENSTAIN BEARS LIVE!

Integrating technology and theater always interests me—at least, in theory. What was that play two seasons ago where a robot on stage interacted with human characters thanks to a remote control and a voice artist in the lighting booth? Can’t remember, either? Exactly. Hopefully, BLANK! THE MUSICAL, will have greater theatrical impact. If you don’t know, the premise is that smartphone wielding patrons will feed ideas about title, lyrics and plot to an improviser on stage who will transform these whacky disparate notions into a full fledged musical. I can already hear the oh-so-clever pre-curtain announcement, “Please make sure all cell phones are turned on.” Guest improvisers hail from Second City, Peoples Imrpov Theater and the IMPROVISED SONDHEIM PROJECT. Incidentally, if your group wants to play with professionals from the grand ole medium of improvisation, Manhattan Tour and Travel arranges workshops with folks from these troupes and others, including Upright Citizens Brigade. Inquire within.

So, imagine Ariana Grande doing a monologue about Estefan’s horrific car accident that nearly killed her, somewhere between CONGA and WORDS GET IN THE WAY. Yup, everyone deserves a good scare in October. Now, click HERE to send it down the disposal and rid yourself of that heinous visual forever. I know, I know… the SHINING twins are less terrifying.